EXPLAIN YOURSELF!

The Interview

by Katherine

 Dedication:

To all our blog followers

Act I

Scene 1

(A gruff 40's something Librarian, her high heels clicking, hurriedly escorts a confused looking girl into her office, sits/pushes her down into an uncomfortable wooden chair before the librarian's enormous mahogany desk. Librarian sits down at her desk, pulls out a too big notepad, and adjusts her gold rimmed glasses.   She wets her pen on her tongue and turns her attention towards her still confused and slightly frightened victim.)

Librarian- (smoothly) So, Miss Katherine, I suppose you must know why you are here?

Katherine- (visibly trembling) Ummm, no I---

Librarian- (slams down ruler upon desk) Of course, you must! Did you think you were going to get away with this?!

Katherine- (shocked) With what?

Librarian- (leans her head upon her hand dramatically in disgust) Oh, this is worse than I thought.  (gathers her composure) You are here to explain yourself, Katherine.

Katherine- Explain myself?

Librarian- Yes!  EXPLAIN YOURSELF!  WHERE have you been all these months?  WHY haven't you posted anything on your blog?  WHAT have you been doing that's kept you from talking with your followers??.....WELL??? (starts strumming her crimson acrylic nails impatiently on her desk)

Katherine- (racking her brain) Well, I uh, there was Chicken Butchering, and----

Librarian- (holds up her hand) Pardon me, did you just say Chicken Butchering? Chicken as in poultry?

Katherine- Yes. Our family raises free-range chickens each year with a few other families and we all get together to process them together.

Librarian- (blinks twice trying to comprehend) I see.  (straightens glasses and starts writing on notepad) Go on.

Katherine- And then there was Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Sukkot---

Librarian (stops writing and looks at Katherine over glasses) Wait a minute, what are those?

Katherine- Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year, Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement, and Sukkot is the Festival of Booths.  On Rosh Hashanah, it is a celebration of the New Year to come, a time to start reflecting on one's person to get things made right between you, God and others before Yom Kippur.  On Yom Kippur, we fast and ask God's forgiveness for the past year's sins and end with a festive meal.  And Sukkot is the festival where we remember how the Children of Israel dwelled in booths in the desert and so for a week we live in temporary sukkahs or shelters.

Librarian- (Writing hurriedly on her notepad to keep up with Katherine) And what else got in the way of posting on your blog?

Katherine- (shifts uneasily in her chair) I can't think of anything else.

Librarian- Alright.  Now, (slams ruler again) details.

Katherine- Details?

Librarian- Yes, details, girl!  Start with the holidays.  What did you do?

Katherine- Well, I uh....it's been a little while now, and I---

Librarian- (points ruler across the desk at her) Just think!  You'll remember! 

Katherine- Well, we always make a delicious Apple Challah bread for Rosh Hashanah, which we eat with honey butter.  Grace and I even tried to make a video to post when we made it, but, um.....(voice trails off.  Librarian looks over her glasses again at her, accusingly)  On Yom Kippur, we read the book of Jonah.  I think my favorite part of that book is the last couple lines.  I love how God is making His point to Jonah about how much the people of Ninevah meant to Him and why He had mercy on them. 

Librarian- (writing again) MmmHmm. Go on.

Katherine- Uh, oh - Grace and I set up our tent on our porch to serve as our sukkah during Sukkot and the dogs and cats were quite pleased when they found out that we were setting up sleeping quarters just for them!

(Librarian starts to chuckle, catches herself and clears her throat, putting on her grim exterior once again.)

Librarian- Go on.

Katherine- (hiding a small smile) Um, yes, so we had some very nice holidays. 

Librarian- (hesitatingly) And what about the, uh, the, Chick, uh, Chicken Butchering?

Katherine- (confused) What about it?

Librarian- (glaring across the desk) The details

Katherine- (nervously) Well, uh, we always have a bunch of food to bake and cook beforehand as everyone brings something to share for lunch.  It kind of turns out to be like a Harvest Party!  We also usually get donuts for the first day, but this year I tried a new recipe and made Cinnamon Rolls.  I got the recipe over at divascancook.com and they have tons of butter in them and have a sumptuous cream cheese glaze that's poured over the top.

(Librarian slightly licking her lips while writing)

Katherine- (mentally noting to bring her a cinnamon roll to get back on her good side) The rolls turned out to be a big hit, everyone loved them and I'm now on for making them next year!

Librarian- And the Butchering itself?

Katherine- It went well.  We all had a great time laughing and visiting while we processed everyone's birds!

Librarian- (jotting down the last notes on her pad then scanning it over with a critiquing eye)  Well, (sighing)  I guess it will have to do.  

Katherine- (still confused) Do?  For what?

Librarian- (Turns to typewriter and starts furiously typing up notes) To make up for the lack of posts.

Katherine- I'm sorry, what?

Librarian- (stops typing and stares off to the wall and then back at Katherine in disgust at her confusion) I'm writing a Catchup Post on your blog of all the things that your subscribers have missed since you posted last!  Is that clear?

Katherine- Oh, I see.

Librarian- Do you?

Katherine- (realizing) Yes, I do.  TH..thank you.

Librarian- Your welcome.  You can leave now.

Katherine- (confused again)  Leave?

Librarian- (stops typing) Yes...(shoos her with her hand) LEAVE! I'll let you know what feedback you get from this.  Still I'm not sure if this will appease the masses and diminish the wrath. (turns to look at Katherine)

Katherine- (shocked) Wrath?

Librarian- (matter of fact) Wrath.

Katherine- (disbelieving) Wrath??

Librarian- (growling) Wrath!!

Katherine- I, uh....

Librarian- Would you like a piece of advice, Katherine?

Katherine- Of cour----

Librarian- Well, then get out of my office before I----

(Katherine leaves hurriedly through the door before Librarian finishes, knocking over the wooden chair in her hastened exit)

End of Scene